School has been a drag; however, I came upon this poem in English yesterday and was struck with how I felt by reading it. I was just... I felt so empowered by it:
|Still I Rise|
|by Maya Angelou|
You may write me down in history With your bitter, twisted lies, You may trod me in the very dirt But still, like dust, I'll rise. Does my sassiness upset you? Why are you beset with gloom? 'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells Pumping in my living room. Just like moons and like suns, With the certainty of tides, Just like hopes springing high, Still I'll rise. Did you want to see me broken? Bowed head and lowered eyes? Shoulders falling down like teardrops, Weakened by my soulful cries? Does my haughtiness offend you? Don't you take it awful hard 'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines Diggin' in my own backyard. You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I'll rise. Does my sexiness upset you? Does it come as a surprise That I dance like I've got diamonds At the meeting of my thighs? Out of the huts of history's shame I rise Up from a past that's rooted in pain I rise I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide, Welling and swelling I bear in the tide. Leaving behind nights of terror and fear I rise Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear I rise Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave, I am the dream and the hope of the slave. I rise I rise I rise.
This poem spoke to me about how accepting yourself and not giving a damn about others strengthens
the love you have for yourself. You and your body aren't supposed to be ruled and regulated by others.
I've been perusing blogs and have been coming across many articles talking about fat acceptance
and how we, as fat women, destroy the "status quo" of the conventional skinny, white women. In fact,
I'd say we have become less of an anomaly now, so even more people feel threatened. I've been
fortunate to never have anyone say something about me as I got older; however, when I was
younger I had the worst experience. It's something that has never left me and I always ask myself
"why?" In elementary school I was the largest person there. No joke, it was a small school. I was
hands down the fattest, tallest girl that everyone kind of ignored. There was, though, another girl who
was also a "bigger girl" like me and I thought we could maybe be friends. We started talking and she
asked me how much I weighed. She told me hers, which I thought it was kind of weird, but being 8
years old and not having many friends I figured it was ok. I answered, "120 lbs." The next day
everyone knew how much I weighed. I was devastated. I couldn't even trust someone who was like me!
Now that I'm older, I've learned to let go of my size (for the most part) and when people whine and
complain about their size I say quit complaining about how others view you. You are your own person.
I even happily add my own weight into the conversation, which is 254 lbs. See, I'm not a lonely, suicidal
fatty. I have a life. And you should get one too. Don't let others bring you down.
On a different note, I decided to finally buy some stuff off ASOS. I was worried, because it's an
international business. Well, it's a UK store. However when I saw these two dresses:
I HAD to get them. They were so cute and on sale. Plus that 20% off and free shipping? Pshhh. I couldn't resist! I can't wait to get them. I want to wear them sooo baaaaaad.
Also, I had a camera but it broke and is being sent back to the manufacturer sooooo that's why I haven't been posting new photos. But hey... C'est la vie!